it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
