12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
