Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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