The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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