You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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