you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
