im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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