Your mouth is God's brothel.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
