She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
