we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
