ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
