3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
