Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
