yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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