I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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