let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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