I skipped work to stalk him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
