I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
