Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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