Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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