Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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