Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
