oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just had sex bonerless
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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