I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize