Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
