I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize