Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
there is glitter all over my balls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
