ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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