so that wasnt chicken after all
Duck Duck Cougar?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
