Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
