nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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