I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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