I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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