I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
