I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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