i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
