I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
