like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
