I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
