mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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