Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
