we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
