I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
