my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize