what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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