She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
