First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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