Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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