She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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