The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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