Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize