my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
