So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
