He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize