a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
