i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
