Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
