i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
