I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
