The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize