Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Pooping to opera.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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