Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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