Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
