I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
