I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you never un-have a 4some
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
