I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
